TL;DR/my conspiracy theory Is the bolded paragraph

Background/my POV: I am a breastfeeding mother who has never used bottles (save for the first week of my son's life due to latching issues). I am incredibly passionate about breastfeeding, although I'm close friends with mothers who feed in a multitude of ways. On a practical level, I care more about supporting mothers where they're at over giving unsolicited advice. I understand how not meeting BF goals can be incredibly painful and have no desire to add to that guilt or pain.

That said, online discourse surrounding breastfeeding drives me Up. The. Wall. I believe the whole "fed is best" campaign is just another way to foster competition among mothers dressed up in "PC" language (because anything a mother does ever is automatically wrong).

Let's be honest, here. Meeting your breastfeeding goals is an incredible accomplishment. We should be proud of it. We live in a society where the pressure on mothers is immense. Breast is best, but don't BF in public. Breastfeeding for at least two years is the biological norm & recommended by the AAP/WHO, but if you continue past a year, you must get a sexual thrill from it. No desire to pump for bottles? You must be a selfish mom who wants the baby all to herself. No desire to breastfeed, only give formula bottles? You're somehow ALSO a selfish mom who doesn't want what's best for her baby.

I'm speaking mainly from the perspective of reddit here, but if a mom posts about how proud she is of herself for meeting her goals, a formula-feeding mom will ALWAYS take it personally. Even if OP gives a big fat disclaimer about how "fed is best." We are not in competition here. Not everything is a personal attack. We tip-toe SO much these days not to hurt everyones' feelings to the point where we can't even state facts anymore.

Yes, in a vacuum, breastmilk IS better than formula. Formula is an inferior substitute trying to mimic breastmilk (though it does have some supplements, like iron and vitamin D, in much higher levels than breastmilk). I'm not even talking about the grand claims of breastfed babies being smarter or having better stomachs or whatever else. But objectively, formula gets recalled. There are frequent shortages. Breastmilk contains antibodies for babies with immature immune systems. Formula produces significantly more waste, between the cans, water for washing bottles, etc. Breastfeeding releases oxytocin, which promotes bonding between mother and baby, reduces PPA and PPD, and even reduces risk of postpartum hemmorhage because it encourages uterine contractions. If breastfeeding doesn't work for you, fine, but don't pretend that formula is an equivalent product.

If you struggled to breastfeed and haven't come to terms with it yet, I genuinely feel for you. I know that could have easily been me without the right support for my early struggles. However, maybe a group where women discuss breastfeeding just isn't the best group for you. Just as much as you deserve a space to rant about your struggles, other mothers deserve a space to brag about our accomplishments. It is not a personal attack. We also shouldn't have to lie to spare your feelings. Breast is best. Fed is the bare minimum. No sane mother is really out there saying "my baby will die before I give her formula!" "Fed is best" is just a way to shut up us uppity women who dare to be proud of ourselves in a patriarchal society. Men can't make breastmilk nor breastfeed, so ""the system"" (so to speak) has to remind us that formula (which men invented and produce) is JUST as good. (And in the 50's, male doctors even convinced us that it's better.) So, to all the breastfeeding mothers: be proud, not ashamed. Don't feel the need to keep quiet and to yourself all the time. Some people won't like it, and that's OK.